Wherever You Are
by Sanya Kielo
Summary: Her life was full of double meanings,she just didn't know it. -Does Fate actually exist? Where are you? Who are you?- Life's little clues hidden away in forgotten memories. AU
1. Snow

**Author's Note: **Well, here's another one-shot thing. It's not really a one-shot, because I might add some more to it making _this_ more like a collection of drabbles. However, seeing as how my writing is sporadic as all get out, you can read this as a one-shot if you'd like. Also, the italicized part is kind of like a day dream. This thing overall isn't supposed to make a whole bunch of sense since Kairi doesn't really know what's going on. The mystery guy can be whoever you'd like him to be. Just beware that if I do continue this, I might actually assign a character to this guy. Wow, long author's note. I'll stop writing now. : )

**Warning:** This story is not Beta'd. It also might be a little confusing. Thanks for reading though!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts. There's a reason why this is called fanfiction.

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**_~Wherever You Are~_**

_*Snow*_

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Her breathing was steady.

She watched as the small clouds of air softly stretched, twisted, and twirled about her. The breeze, almost imperceptible, pulled the quickly disappearing wisps away until she could no longer see them.

Her cheeks were flushed, and she was pretty sure her nose was running, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

The girl just tugged upward on her scarf in a vain attempt to somewhat warm her face.

It was cold, but overall she didn't mind.

She didn't mind, because it was snowing.

Soft flakes of white glistened on the ground and coated the trees, covering Nature's naked things.

Buildings were painted picturesque and the sidewalks were shoveled free of snow.

Students shuffled to and fro, a few running, a few sliding, but everyone wishing that they were back home.

Footsteps dotted the sparkling blanket, a sign of tardy students trying to take the shorter distance.

And all the while Kairi watched, mesmerized, as falling crystals danced.

She could hardly feel the cold now.

It was so beautiful, so perfect; she wished she had the talent to capture it.

But she didn't, and so the only thing she could do was stay there forever, watching.

"_Shouldn't you be in class?"_

_Kairi lifted her lips into a soft smile at the sound of the voice. For some reason, she didn't mind the interruption. _

"_Not for another hour," she easily replied._

_She couldn't take her eyes off the scene in front of her._

_It was other-worldly…_

…_magically beautiful._

"_Aren't you cold?_

_She giggled at the whine and dug her chin deeper into the lavender scarf._

"_No, I kind of like it. It help clears my head."_

"_Well than, you're crazy."_

_The college student let out a non-committal 'hm' while keeping her eyes in front of her._

"_Maybe, but I really only like it if there's snow. Other than that, it's kind of pointless."_

"_Yeah, snow's kind of nice, but I still prefer the heat."_

_Kairi could sense his smile._

"_What are you doing here?" she asked, kicking up some snow with her boot._

"_I don't know. I was on my way back from class when I saw you and decided to see what you were doing. Now I know," he shrugged still smiling._

_She didn't look at him._

_They stood in silence._

_And the snow fell._

"_Well, I should get going. I have class in twenty minutes and I still need to switch out notebooks. Bye."_

_He started to walk away._

_She could hear the crunch of the snow from under his boots._

_And all of a sudden…_

"_Wait."_

…_she felt lonely, almost achingly so._

_The footsteps stopped._

"_Yes?"_

_She could imagine the tilting of his head in confusion – the furrowing of his brow._

_But that's not what he did, no, that's not what he did._

_And she knew it._

_She knew it without having to turn around._

"_Don't go."_

_A simple plea._

_But still, she couldn't find the strength to tear her gaze from the graceful fall of the snow._

Why?

_Why was she unable to turn around and let her eyes fall upon his face?_

"_I'm sorry, but I can't stay."_

_It had a double meaning, she felt it._

_And she wondered what he meant._

_It was important, but _why_ was it important? What was he trying to tell her? Why was she so scared of him leaving?_

_He started to walk away._

'_No, stop, stay - let me look at you,' she thought, no, pleaded._

'_Why can't I look at you?'_

'_It hurts'_

'_It hurts when you go'_

'_Let me see!'_

_With that final thought, she whirled around – _

-and blinked in confusion.

Kairi shook her head to clear it from the fog, looking around only to find out that she was alone.

'The new class period must have already started,' she reflected.

How long had she been standing here?

A quick glance at her cell phone told her twenty minutes.

She must have zoned out, she didn't remember standing there for so long.

"I won't be late"

The whispered words escaped chapped lips before she could reel them back in.

Her eyebrows narrowed in confusion.

What was that all about? She hadn't meant to say anything; it was like the words had a life of their own!

But suddenly, she felt sad, depressed, and empty, as though something were missing…

…_or someone._

She closed her eyes in an attempt to keep hold of the feeling.

And for a split second she swore she felt a presence.

_A sad smile._

But it soon escaped her clutches and fled.

She frowned and gazed heavenwards watching the snowflakes' descent.

Because the _reason_ she couldn't turn around back then, the _reason_ she couldn't see _him_ was because…

"You don't exist"

And the snow continued to drift lazily about as the soft, broken whisper joined with the wind in a long, mournful waltz.


	2. The Tip of the Iceberg

**Author's Note: **Well, here's the second drabble. Sadly, I don't think it's any less confusing than the other one. So, here's my explanation: Kairi is dreaming. In both of them. "Snow" is just a waking dream, or daydream. This one is an actual dream. I hope that clears it up a bit, but remember, this isn't exactly supposed to make sense. So with that, continue!

**Warning: **Un-Beta'd.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Kingdom Hearts. I just wish I was that lucky.

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_~**Wherever You Are**~_

_The Tip of the Iceberg_

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_They were lying in a field watching as the clouds floated by overhead._

"_Ok, so two guys walk into a bar…"_

_Kairi let out a groan that was a mix between exasperation and annoyance._

"_What? You haven't even heard the punch line yet!" The boy lying next to her complained._

"_That's because I don't need to, I've already heard this joke a gazillion times already," the girl huffed sitting up and sending a glance toward her companion._

_He pouted, "Fine, have it your way. I bet you can't guess what it is though."_

_Kairi rolled her eyes, "And the third one ducks, yeah I've heard this joke before."_

_The boy pouted again and turned his chin defiantly in the opposite direction. The girl was used to his antics though and knew any minute his resolve would break and he would say something._

"_You turn sixteen tomorrow."_

'_And there it is Ladies and Gentlemen! What a spectacular performance, he couldn't even last two minutes!' she announced to the imaginary audience in her head. In her mind's eye the crowd chortled, clapping as she took her bow._

"_Yeah, but I'm not really looking forward to it," she instead chose to answer, pulling herself from her thoughts._

_The boy stared up into the sky, "Why not? Everyone's supposed to be happy when they turn sixteen."_

_Kairi sighed and flopped backward onto the ground. 'Here it goes again. Every time...'_

"_Well, for one, I hate driving- I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt someone because I have a habit of spacing out, you know. And for two…nothing will be different. It will still be the same thing over and over again, nothing will change," her voice had been steadily dropping until, in the end, the boy could hardly hear her._

_Wishes didn't come true after all. Blowing out candles, falling stars, throwing pennies into wells – it was all for nothing. 'Some dreams are impossible to reach.'_

"_Awwww come on, it won't be that bad!" He grinned while leaning over her, "Lots of fun stuff will happen, you'll see."_

_She gave him a small smile._

"_Maybe"_

_He made her happy. If he wasn't here with her now, Kairi knew her heart would be breaking. It always did when he wasn't there. Sometimes, she could push the pain to the back, ignore it, and go on with her life, but it always returned._

_He was her savior._

_He was her bane. _

_He was the reason for her pain. If he didn't keep coming back, she knew that she could keep the feelings locked away forever until they grew dull and stopped hurting._

_But he kept coming back._

_He kept reopening wounds._

_And she let him._

_He always had a way of making her pain disappear with his presence, but without it, she suffered._

_She wished for him so much._

"_Come on," he said, pulling away from her, "let's see if you know this one. There are two muffins in an oven…"_

_But for now she was happy._

The next morning, right before forcing herself out of bed, Kairi basked in the feeling of contentment. Usually, she woke up feeling tired or annoyed, but today she was relaxed. She also felt a little happy. The girl buried herself deeper into her pillow with a smile.

However, there was something else there, too. And it plagued her that she didn't know what it was.

So, she lay for a minute in her bed as she tried to pinpoint the mysterious feeling. A few minutes later she found it.

"Oh," Kairi gave a small gasp and rubbed her right hand over the area above her heart. 'There it is,' she thought.

The feeling consisted of a hint of sadness, and, but it was only the tip of the iceberg. What she didn't know is that if she dug a little deeper, she would find a reservoir of longing hidden deep within the confines of her heart. For now though, all she could do was hit the surface, and have an inkling of what lay below.

Kairi couldn't help but wonder why the feeling was there, why she had even felt something so miniscule ('or was it great?'). It was time for school though, and all thoughts had to be pushed aside for bigger, better, more important things.

Today _was_ her birthday after all.

And she couldn't decide whether that made her happy or sad.


End file.
